Man - A Chemical Analysis
- Element:
- Man
- Symbol:
- Ah (short for Asshole)
- Quantitative:
- Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4
inches.
- Discoverer:
- Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for
ribs.
Molecular structure thought to have originated from Mars, even
though some
trace elements may have been from Uranus.
- Occurrence:
- Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration
near a
perfect Wo specimen.
Physical Properties
- Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in
others.
- Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
Sense,
melts if treated like a God.
- Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
- Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme
caution.
- Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction
with Wo
(Snore... zzzzz).
- Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
- Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply
sensitive to
extremely thick.
- Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
- Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted
form of
the Wo common ore.
- When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only
when
subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied
Chemical Properties
- All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is
possible.
- May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely
favorable conditions.
- Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
- Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
- Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction
effects
(which tend to turn the specimen bright red.
- Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to
violent/bloody.
- When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel
most
other elements.
- Is repelled by most household appliances and common household
cleansers.
- Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly
those of the
malodorous variety.
- Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
Storage
- Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for
favorable
reaction style.
Uses
- Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners
for Wo...
- Can be used in recreational activities.
Tests
- Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens
broadcast
information on many wavelengths.
Caution
- Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with
reaction
to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct
conditions.